If you feel like you’re being used, you probably are.
When I took on a music director’s role back in 2006, it was a pretty good opportunity to experience being the go-to guy behind the music. I got a chance to work with some of the Toronto filipino community’s A-list singers, and also some that I felt needed to work on their performance and artistry. For a time, it was good. But then i got a pretty hard taste of it when the latter of the group of singers seemed to think that my playing wasn’t that good. To avoid any sort of conflict, I would just give in instead of putting up an argument. After all, without trying to brag here, I do have the ears to make a quality musical performance.
I decided to just wave it off and not let it affect me, since it’s usually just an experience. Still, there was something about that though I found pretty suspect. I continued being a music director for my own projects, such as the Chyrell and Rodney Christmas Card. Being music director is no easy feat, but it’s easier if it’s your own projects. I still liked the idea of being an artist – the kind that is know on stage rather than being behind the scenes.
However, I started to see the difference in treatment between being a music director and being an Artist. Artists don’t have it easy, but they are praised more by many people. Music directors, if they do a great job, are praised by the performers, but only for that period of time. Like the saying goes, you’re only as good as your last performance, so make a difference now. At the same time, performers whom I knew needed more work on their musicality were actually trying to teach and tell me what to do. Imagine having a person who you know you can dance circles around suddenly telling you how to do things. Yet when I get the support of another artist who sees it my way, then the person understands. But it’s a repeated moment where I wish I was respected for what I can do.
Then I took on another concert which required having a band. This was NOT easy, as I found out that I had to deal with financial issues – which I later would redirect to the producers. I am an artist first when it comes to music – I don’t focus on the business side. To top it off, being made to feel like my value is only as good as the music talent that I have definetly left a bad taste in my mouth. Performers who I still didn’t think had what it took to be an A-list singer would complain to me. It’s like an amateur who sings a song in the key of G when you clearly have the song in the Key of F major. They aren’t listening and they don’t adjust. They’re in their own world and they think they know better.
I remember reading something from American Idol judge Simon Cowell, saying that he is getting tired to judging auditions of poor-quality singers who think they are the greatest singers in the world. Simon, I feel your pain, believe me.
I then made the decision that my musical direction gigs would happen under the following conditions:
1.) I choose the artists – not the producers
2.) The project is one that I’ve created
That’s pretty much it. I tell you though, it makes life so much easier and less stressful. (Pardon the language)
I prefer taking criticism by artists who I totally respect, I see it from their point of view they impress me. So I actually can learn from them. It’s the bad singers that I find funny taking criticism from as I learn nothing from it.
Even some performers who I used to enjoy working with suddenly turn a different face on me. Years ago, I made it a point never to work with Divas or Ego-centric people - i’ve had my share of painful experiences with them. They put on a mask that gives them a devine disposition, but hide within their own shadow and make others feel like they are lower than them. To me, this is not a dream come through, it is a compensation.
Then I would see those actual performers getting the praises, without even pointing to the music director. I remember something that people will praise people they like, even if they aren’t totally significant. Even if a person did a huge favour for someone, if people don’t like or relate to that person, it wouldn’t matter. They aren’t totally liked.
There is a saying, don’t let anyone steal your dream – nobody, ever. If it is to be, it is up to me, not up to those who think they hold power over me.
Sure, I’m venting here, but that makes me human. I’m normally a positive person, but even positive people need to release their steam once in a while. We all have access to the over 2000 emotions that make us human. =)
So now I’ve decided to return to what I had originally set out to do, which was to be a total artist and promote myself as one. Not as a musical director. If people are trying to model you into something that you don’t want, then by all means TURN IT DOWN. Make plans for yourself.
If you don’t make plans for your life, there will definetly be others who will make it for you. Believe me, they will never have your best interests in mind.
Of course though, there are the kind people who contacted me to help them out. They respected me for what I could do and be for them. For those people, you are always in my good books. For those who gave me a hard time, I wish you all the best in your endeavours.
As for me, life may not be easy, but it couldn’t be any sweeter being able to be in control again. Of course, only God is the one who is totally in control.
Respect yourself and turn down anything that you think and feel might be a potential to be used. The ones who thank you for your deed, be cautious. The ones who thank you and are extremely grateful to you – they are the keepers.
Again, respect yourself. Love yourself kindly and plan your life.